Dating Seeking – Mature Dating & Dealing With Your Date’s Older Children

Allan Tan asked:


For mature singles involved in dating seeking, when you find someone who’s been married before and has kids, especially older children, it might be a source of tension or slight difficulty in your relationship, at least in the initial stages as you are getting to know your dating partner and then as you get to know his or her children.

Since your dating partner is either divorced or widowed, his or her kids are in a tense situation as it is.  For example, if the kids are products of divorce, they may have wanted their parents to remain married and are having a hard time dealing with the failed marriage.  They may be feeling as if they are at fault for their parents’ divorce.  If your dating partner’s marriage ended due to the death of his or her mate, there is a different kind of heartache that their children are dealing with.  The kids will be terribly missing their father or mother.  In either case, when your dating partner decided to start dating you, this could be a form of tension among his or her kids.  You can be seen as the enemy and it will be hard for you to get passed their defenses and into their hearts; especially since they don’t want you to take the place of their missing parent.

One major step you need to take is to have understanding.  Don’t get upset when it seems like your dating partner’s kids don’t like you.  It is going to take some time to get to know them and form a relationship.  In the meantime, just take it one day at a time and enjoy the moments you have to get to know your partner.  You also need to take into consideration that your partner will probably not feel too comfortable in the beginning of your relationship, having you involved in the lives of his or her kids.  Your partner needs to see how things go with your own compatibility and how serious your relationship is before involving you in the kids’ lives.  But, when it does happen, remember that understanding is key.

You need to be flexible.  As mature singles, you and your partner both have a good deal of life experience and you have individual lives that you need to mesh together and when there are kids involved, especially older kids, ages pre-teen, teen and older, you need to be more flexible because those are the ages when kids are most affected by a failed marriage and the death of a parent.  Younger children are easily as affected; however, they are less set in their ways and more adaptable to new life situations.

It is very important to be available when the time is right for the budding of a relationship with your partner’s kids.  When the time comes, be ready and willing to pursue a bond with the kids.  You may not have kids of your own so this could be more difficult for you than if you had kids, but if you feel that you and your partner are headed towards a committed relationship, then it is worth every ounce of your effort.

If you are in the dating seeking scene and you have not met a compatible match for yourself, then check out the website, maturesinglesonly.com  This is an online matchmaking company, which, contrary to online dating sites such as match and eharmony, run background checks on their members and you can rest assured that you will have professional service to help you find a very compatible match, in a safe online environment.



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